Retirement options

[del]

You
can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1.
You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the
toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave
town.
4.
You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is
comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven
door.
6.
The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
ME??
OR

You
can retire to California where...
1.
You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The
fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to
eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood
block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them
how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6.
The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR

You
can retire to New York City where...
1.
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ...
2. You
can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to
Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on amap.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to
swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've
worn out a car horn. ( IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an
act of aggression.
OR

You
can retire to Wisconsin where...
1.
You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ..
2. Halloween
costumes have to fit over parkas.
3.
You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything
flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost
winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of
criticism is "He is different, she is different or It was
different!
OR

You
can retire to The Deep South where...
1.
You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular
and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4.
Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary
Beth, etc etc.
5. Everywhere is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out
yonder"..
OR

You
can retire to Colorado where...
1.
You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your
husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care
center.
3.
A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is
bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR

You
can retire to the Nebraska where...
1.
You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your
idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have
had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences
with a preposition:"Where's my coat at.
OR

FINALLY,
You can retire to Florida where...
1.
You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon
of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent
cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4.
Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you
often appear to be driven by headless people.

[Tony Two-Cent]

Funny because it's TRUE!

[Digger Don]

Thank God he left Illinois out. LOL

[Ronandari]

Thank God he left Illinois out. LOL

And Kentucky. it took me years to figure out the secret language here.

[whammy]

You forgot New York, but thats o.k. because nobody has any money, gas is to expensive to go anywhere, and nobody knows what the heck any of us are talking about. P.S. it's probably just as well.

[Lowjiber]

[Tom]

So very true, but you can afford to retire?

[Skamaniac]

Love it. They're all better than my retirement. I went to a new full time job two weeks later.

[giant056]

[chief5709]

Good one Dan! I thought you were going to retire to keep up with Todd and Dave .